Stop the Insanity
I’m not sure how much more of this roller coaster I can take. One day we have decided we are going to try to leave. The next we are deciding to stay. Literally. We simply can’t figure out what to do. And it’s driving me crazy.
What is making this all so unbearable is the fact that I have been in this limbo for years now. Every since my daughter was born I have been contemplating moving away from New Orleans, even if that meant a career change. A year and a half ago, as I prepared to go on the job market again, I wrote in a piece I submitted to the Chronicle of Higher Education: “There is this unspoken sense between my husband and myself that this is the year our fate will be sealed, and an even greater feeling on my part that my whole understanding of who I am will be determined by how I fare in this year's job market. Becoming a mom has radically altered not only my day-to-day life but also what my career means to me. Being a professor is both less important than giving my daughter the best opportunities in life and more important than ever as I try to hold on to a vital part of myself that I hope she will know and appreciate someday. A terrible choice may lie ahead yet.”
It was so frustrating to read that this morning and realize that I am still in the same place. The job market that year did seal our fate. My lack of success kept us here in New Orleans and made us victims of Katrina. But Katrina has thrown us right back where we were before. I’m getting ready to start teaching again, and I wonder how I will feel about my career once I am back in the classroom. Will I be willing to leave it? Or will I want to hang onto it enough to risk staying?
Of course, a lot of our decision making (or lack thereof) reflects the larger state the city is in. We read the paper every morning wondering, which way is New Orleans headed? The mayor’s now infamous comments during his laughable Martin Luther King Day speech have not inspired much confidence that the city can recover economically and will heal its racial wounds. Fortunately, Wynton Marsalis also spoke on MLK Day. Unfortunately, though, the media has not paid any attention to his inspirational remarks. The Times-Picayune published them today. Check them out. (I also recommend Chris Rose's hillaroius column about Nagin's speech.) Now if we can only get rid of Nagin (whom I generally respected until Monday) and find a true leader to lead us out of despondency and into the Promise Land.
What is making this all so unbearable is the fact that I have been in this limbo for years now. Every since my daughter was born I have been contemplating moving away from New Orleans, even if that meant a career change. A year and a half ago, as I prepared to go on the job market again, I wrote in a piece I submitted to the Chronicle of Higher Education: “There is this unspoken sense between my husband and myself that this is the year our fate will be sealed, and an even greater feeling on my part that my whole understanding of who I am will be determined by how I fare in this year's job market. Becoming a mom has radically altered not only my day-to-day life but also what my career means to me. Being a professor is both less important than giving my daughter the best opportunities in life and more important than ever as I try to hold on to a vital part of myself that I hope she will know and appreciate someday. A terrible choice may lie ahead yet.”
It was so frustrating to read that this morning and realize that I am still in the same place. The job market that year did seal our fate. My lack of success kept us here in New Orleans and made us victims of Katrina. But Katrina has thrown us right back where we were before. I’m getting ready to start teaching again, and I wonder how I will feel about my career once I am back in the classroom. Will I be willing to leave it? Or will I want to hang onto it enough to risk staying?
Of course, a lot of our decision making (or lack thereof) reflects the larger state the city is in. We read the paper every morning wondering, which way is New Orleans headed? The mayor’s now infamous comments during his laughable Martin Luther King Day speech have not inspired much confidence that the city can recover economically and will heal its racial wounds. Fortunately, Wynton Marsalis also spoke on MLK Day. Unfortunately, though, the media has not paid any attention to his inspirational remarks. The Times-Picayune published them today. Check them out. (I also recommend Chris Rose's hillaroius column about Nagin's speech.) Now if we can only get rid of Nagin (whom I generally respected until Monday) and find a true leader to lead us out of despondency and into the Promise Land.
posted by Scribbling Mama | 11:07 AM
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